just peachy

I have been mulling the last couple of months over today, with the trip to the cariologist, and am coming to the conclusion that this has all happened for a reason. Belive me, I don't say that lightly....christian inuendo (?) like that makes me cringe as much as the next person, but it kind of makes sense to me, all this crapola thats been happening.

To start of with, I really don't have the foggiest idea why i went to uni in the first place....I have narrowed it confidently done to that its because I got into a course. With such a dodgey ENTER score, I thought i would never go. When I did move, i was pretty unhappy. I knew hardly anyone up in the area, and no one at uni.
I longed to come home, to familar faces and situations. It was getting harder and harder to leave each time i visited.
The church that i went to, all of 3-5 times, was not what i needed...if anything it was easier for me not to go, which i hardly ever did. And I needed to go to church......
Growing up in a Christian family, i felt that it was just expected of me to grow up that way...but i don't think i ever really took my parents beliefs and made them my own. Mum and Dad have always said, that no matter the choices my brother and I made, they would always always be there for us, and I knew that to be the truth of the matter.
Yet to make that step to become my own person with my own personal relationship with God, things needed to happen.
When I got really sick, i was scared out of my mind...all i could see was an insecure future, a place that was bleak, without hope...nothing.
The desicion to come back home took a cat scan. I wanted my parents, my home, my friends, my church.....my old life, my faith, my god, my oldself made new again.
The day I arrived back home was fantastic...i felt my spirit riseing up in me..a brand new day.
My future was clearer in my mind...i knew what I was meant to do next year.

Things kind of went down hill after my accident. I felt like a speck of nothingness.
But someting changed....I knew I had to fully had to rely on God, no matter what the circumstances, no matter the thoughts in my mind, what i was feeling...just to fully rely

I can't believe how long it has taken me to realise all this, nor what it has taken to get to this point.
Peace is a funny thing....you think you know what it is, then it really happens to your life. I know things are not always going to be peachy, but now I know that i am not alone, that there is someone bigger, stronger, mightier. Someone who knows all, is all. Someone who has never left, nor never will. Someone who captures, inspires, motivates me to be all that i can be.
Someone who i find peace in, can rely on, who i can cry out to in despare, in praise, who will take my burdens, who will cry when i hurt, laugh when i am joyfull.

Take from my soul the strain and stress, and let my structured life confess:
the beauty of Your peace.