Cross my heart

I have been told that I really need to update this thang, and since it has been a couple of months and a LOT of stuff has happened since we last met, I will indulge in your requests.

And quite frankly, I am actually in a writing mood, which has not happened for a long time.

I was driving along to visit the 'lucky' 08 yitsers and had this massive feeling that everything was finally aok.

I think Christians often have this idea that its ok to lie and pretend that everything is honky-dory when, in actual fact, everything is kinda crapola. It is, as I call it, the 'Onward Christian Solider' mentality.

I was talking to someone I had never met on the phone last week, and the first thing out of my mouth was 'how are you?'

He replied that that was kind of a odd question to really answer, as people usually have a fairly blase answer, and the person who asked normally is just being polite in asking in the first place.

The conversation then went off on a totally different tangent.

Moving back to the 'Onward Christian Solider' idea:

I have to find out if there are any mental health issues (specifically depression) in my family .

Now I am dead sure that there is, but if I even thought about asking my grandparents, they would be dead sure that there weren't and aren't any such issues in the family.

I think depression is often such a taboo subject in the 'we are all sweet and nothing is ever wrong' world of Christianity and I am really not sure why.

I am aware that this post is most likely not making any sense to ya'll (that is if you have stuck around) but this is an issue that makes perfectly no sense to me.

So lets just leave it there.

What would you give?

Pain from pearls-

hey little girl-

How much have you grown?

Pain from pearls-

hey little girl-

Flower for the ones you've known.

Are you on fire,

From the years?

What would you give

for your Kid fears?

Secret staircase,

running high,

You had a hiding place.

Secret staircase,

running low,

But they all know,

now you're inside

Thinking today about what my fears were as a kid, i noticed a vast difference from then, compared to now.

My fears back then were real fears for a child....most children are scared of the dark, of getting lost.

Me fears today are just as real. Just as daunting.

Skipping stones,

we know the price now,

Any sin will do.

How much further, if you can spin.

How much further, if you are smooth.

Are you on fire,

From the years?

What would you give for your

Kid fears?

One thing that I remember from doing my cert III in childcare, was that there was no difference between the fear of an 'adult' and the fear of a 'child'. Both are just as intimidating and confronting. Sure, in different ways. But my fear of the dark as a 'child' is just as legitimate as my 'young adult' fear of not having kids.

Replace the rent with the stars above.Replace the need with love.
Replace the anger with the tide.

Replace the ones, the ones, the ones, that you love.

Are you on fire,

From the years?

What would you give for

your Kid fears?

I guess the difference in my fears as a child and now, my fears as an young adult, are not as self centred.

Now, I have fears for my family, for my friends, for the world around me. But I especially have fears for my beautiful god kids.

I don't want them to look around themself as such a young age, and try to understand situations that I don't even understand.

What I would give for my kid fears at the moment...

(lyrics: Indigo Girls: Kid Fears)

amazing ( because thats what it is...)

I am in two minds at the moment.
One is looking at the world and how stuffed up it is. A story last night on Progeria had me hating that something so fucked up could happen. I look at hurt, how much it affects people that I know and love so so much, how it affects me. I look at pictures of my god kids, and wonder how much they know of what is going on in their lives. I wonder if at their age, they can even comprehend what is happening in their own home, let along the world outside their windows.
In the year 2020, there are predictions that there will be a new pandemic. Not of Aids, but of depression in young adults. Depression already affects far too many people that I know.
And I sit her and get so so angry. At injustice, and shitty things happening to good people. And I question how such a loving grace filled God can let this happen. Why can’t he point a magic finger and fix this bloody mess. And I sit, and I struggle.

But then I look around me. And thru all the muck and craziness, pictures and words are always there. Standing out in all the crap there are things that amaze me time after time. I see people who are not products of this world. Who constantly inspire me with their words, with their actions. And it’s in times like these that I am reminded that life is beautiful. Crazy but beautiful.

And the walls came tumbling down...

Yits today saw us going to see Babel for 'word,' in which we have just finished looking at the creation story, moving onto the fall.

Four stories that are all interlinked because of a specific action undertaken. It was quite interesting the discussions that took place afterwards....specifically who was to blame for starting the chain of events. There were a number of theories going around. It was interesting to see on whom the finger of blame was laid on.

The film covered such a plethora of issuse...from illeagal immigration, sucide to political crap over an ambulance between 2 opposing countries. From communication issues between a husband and wife/father and daughter/different cultures....

It was quite an emotionally seeking movie. And the more I think about it..the more my mind spins at the complexities.

Words wont do any justice for the images that were seen

shine on you crazy diamond

Once again, its erratic postings. The end of last year was unbelievably crazy, with the usual Christmas hustle and bustle, chuck in some extremely late nights (or mornings.....) and it was over before i knew it.

I always find the beginning of a new year slightly odd. New expectations, experiences and randomness are there ready to happen, whether you are ready or not.

This year is going to be full on...there is no two ways about that one. I am really looking forward to the challenges (ha ha..bet i wont be when it comes down to the crunch of it) that Yits is going to bring.

It also scares me to shit, how this year is going to make me take a long hard look at myself...and at the same time..it couldn't have come at a better time then now.

What a year it has been already...parties/bithdays/ weddings and a death have ensured the usual hectic start to my family's year.