Love and Peace or Else

something about this struck a cord in me. All the fears, stress, concerns, tears, everything

that has happened, has led me to here.

I You heard me in my tune

When I just heard confusion

All because of You

All because of You

All because of You

I am...I am.

All Because of You

U2

the idiot box

ah... i love a bit of tv. You'll never know what crap you will learn.

Starting with last night...it was about 11ish. SBS had a show on, which was a live autopsy. It was utterly fasinating. They started by cutting the skin and peeling it back, then removing the rib cage, then cutting the tracia, which they then stuck a pipe down, in order to show how lunges inflate and deflate. I turned it off then, and wished i was not so tired. I really wanted to see what they were going to do with the heart.

Moving on to the present..
i watched the oc....cos i knew someone was going to die...unfortunatly for me, it was a car crash...humm de ha....bit weird, but still good. They had some female singing Halaluah (spl??) by her self,and it sounded amazing.
Then i flicked over to "miss Universe" only to find the girls dressed in... costumes inspired by their country and culture. I wanted to see what the aussie was wearing, but missed out.
I did however get to see miss new zealand. I don't really know what it was ment to be........it looked so much like the skin from a kewi fruit.. I had tears running down my face...far out.....so so bizzar.

ah...the things that entertian us.

love is

Now that i am back at work, i come home and fall asleep insead of blogging.
Its a shame, because i have had so many things flowing thru up there..
Work has been hard, with accredition coming up, which litrally is the be all and end all. That was yesterday and today, and we passed with the highest level possible, which is fantastic.
Everyone is exhausted....which has meant bitching and pathetic comments. Nothing has changed since i left 6 or so months ago. Today, one of our relief workers got fired (no one really knows why) so even tho she was a bit slow at doing things yadda yadda, everyone was a bit in shock...the poor thing was crying (who wouldn't?) arggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhh. Every one is over it...me included. Its making it hard to get up in the morning when you have this happening day after day.
I love all of my kids.....lots of hugs makes it great.
In other post, i was talking about how much we can learn for children. When i got home today, mum had a stack of quotes from kids, about love. I have seen the book before....but far out...some of them it me like a tonn of bricks.....

'love is what meks you smile when you are tired' ; terri (4)

"love is what's in the room with you at christmas if you stop opening presents and listen' ; Bobby (7)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate' ; Nikka (6)

'love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after the know each other so well' : Tommy (6)

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you' ; Karen (7)

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.' : Jessica (8)

The one that had me speachless, that is so..... i cant even begin to describe.....

"When somebody loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy (4)

To know that your name is safe in someones mouth...

Its an amazing thought.

God accept our prayers.
Send us tears in return.
Give freedom to this exchange.
Let us pray inwardly.
Let us weep outwardly.
This is the breathing of the soul.
This is the vitality of the spirit.
For this we give thanks.

Amen.

Leunig

just peachy

I have been mulling the last couple of months over today, with the trip to the cariologist, and am coming to the conclusion that this has all happened for a reason. Belive me, I don't say that lightly....christian inuendo (?) like that makes me cringe as much as the next person, but it kind of makes sense to me, all this crapola thats been happening.

To start of with, I really don't have the foggiest idea why i went to uni in the first place....I have narrowed it confidently done to that its because I got into a course. With such a dodgey ENTER score, I thought i would never go. When I did move, i was pretty unhappy. I knew hardly anyone up in the area, and no one at uni.
I longed to come home, to familar faces and situations. It was getting harder and harder to leave each time i visited.
The church that i went to, all of 3-5 times, was not what i needed...if anything it was easier for me not to go, which i hardly ever did. And I needed to go to church......
Growing up in a Christian family, i felt that it was just expected of me to grow up that way...but i don't think i ever really took my parents beliefs and made them my own. Mum and Dad have always said, that no matter the choices my brother and I made, they would always always be there for us, and I knew that to be the truth of the matter.
Yet to make that step to become my own person with my own personal relationship with God, things needed to happen.
When I got really sick, i was scared out of my mind...all i could see was an insecure future, a place that was bleak, without hope...nothing.
The desicion to come back home took a cat scan. I wanted my parents, my home, my friends, my church.....my old life, my faith, my god, my oldself made new again.
The day I arrived back home was fantastic...i felt my spirit riseing up in me..a brand new day.
My future was clearer in my mind...i knew what I was meant to do next year.

Things kind of went down hill after my accident. I felt like a speck of nothingness.
But someting changed....I knew I had to fully had to rely on God, no matter what the circumstances, no matter the thoughts in my mind, what i was feeling...just to fully rely

I can't believe how long it has taken me to realise all this, nor what it has taken to get to this point.
Peace is a funny thing....you think you know what it is, then it really happens to your life. I know things are not always going to be peachy, but now I know that i am not alone, that there is someone bigger, stronger, mightier. Someone who knows all, is all. Someone who has never left, nor never will. Someone who captures, inspires, motivates me to be all that i can be.
Someone who i find peace in, can rely on, who i can cry out to in despare, in praise, who will take my burdens, who will cry when i hurt, laugh when i am joyfull.

Take from my soul the strain and stress, and let my structured life confess:
the beauty of Your peace.

me and my 'big pink hair' are at it again

Imagination is a big thing. Trying to come up with different ways to stop children from crying today streched my mind to the blink. The room that i will be working in (2-3ish) had two newbies in it today. Both would get very tearfull at the drop of the hat....its pretty draining for all involved, parents/children/carers etc.

One girl agreed to do some drawing with me, with the picture up there ^ being me and my 'big big pink hair' (fear not...its not really pink...hasn't been for a while :P)

Capture: life. moments. kindness. creativity and inspiration

So back to work jiggity gig....ah...my mind has reverted back to a childs, and it was only a 7.5 hr day!
I got away at a good time, as so i could stop in on koorong on the way to work....realised that i had gone my usual way to work, turnign off before blackburn, but that was soon fixed.
Found some good books, one in particular, which was by the same guy who did 'Blue Like Jazz'...yet another book i have yet to finish.
I did find the book i was after (look left) and got it as a welcome back to work present to myself....along with 2 soul survivor cds and a You Can't Handle The Tooth cd too :0

It was great to get back to work and see all my chickens all grown up...its all the same bitching as per last time...so nothing new there :P

Had a rushed evening, after finishing work at 6.30, getting home at 7.10 (i normally leave home at 7.15 for young adults) ate a sauasage, small spoon of pasta and two pieces of garlic bread...tried to find clothes that were actually dry, and back out the door.
Tim spoke at y.a. and although it was something he wrote a couple of years ago, it was amazingly relevent to me at this time. Pretty amazing how things like that happen at relvent times :)
anywhy......i will be at work in less then 12 hours, and am knacked....

time is of the essence

so it the day that i brave the face of work again.
Slept very well, after a late night....Rove was on, and although i am not a big fan of him, i sat and watched. Elmo was on and was pretty funny....well as fun as a 3 1/2 monster can be.
The Grates preforemed last night as well, and it was just as i expected.

Since i want to go to koorong before hand, i really had better get my a into g.....ta ta.

i get so sad - that sad gets to be so scared - so scared that all my feelings, they up and leave me.

I cried so hard, that you pushed me further away. I screamed so loud, you called the police on me. I got so city girl on you. I get so sad. That sad gets to be So scared that all my feelings, They up and leave me. I got so city girl on you. I go so crazy, I Don't know what to do.Ooh, ooh.I look so long.I get obvious. I look so hard. I look obvious. I work so much. I miss the sun shine away. I sleep so little. Watch the stars fade into day. I get so city girl on you. I go so crazy. I Don't know what to do.Ooh, oohI get uncertain. Promise I'll be perfect from now on. But all my promises, They're out the window once you're gone.You pack your bags. You say I love you, but I cannot stay. So I started smoking Thought the signals. Would scare your wolves away. I got so city girl on you. I went so crazy. I Didn't know what to do. I got so city girl on you. I went so crazy. I Didn't know what to do. Ooh, ooh. I cry so hard, that you push me. Further away I scream so loud, you call thePolice on me. You pack your bags. You say I love you, but I cannot stay. So I started smoking. Thought the signals,Would scare your wolves away.I got so city girl on you. I went so crazy. I Didn't know what to do. I got so city girl on you. I went so crazy I Didn't know what to do.Ooh

well....my last day of freedom as i know it. Yes, I go back to work tomorrow. I am looking forward to it, back to some kind of normality.

Today was ment to be spent sleaning up my room, passing things on that are no longer in use or that I have not dressed in for a while... so far, there has been 2 an a half big plastics bags, a big box of....stuff, and a couple of smaller boxs of books.....now it is to get them to an oppy.

I did forsee that i would need a break at some stage, so arranged to meet up with sam in lilydaly.....might i add a very happy/blissfull sam :p

We first went to the Bible Society, where I proceeded to get :Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell, along with Blue like Jazz, byDonald Miller. More on that later....

It was then coffee time...so off to the blue turtle. Sam got a berry smoothy and a piece of erm...blonde cake (?)...all i remember was the white chocolate. I got a chocolate milkshake and a piece of lemon marange pie....yum!

It was great to catch up on the going-ons in our lives, and was lots of fun.

Onto the op-shop, which was a cracker looking at all the dodgy books, as well finding a copy of "i heard the owl call my name" for sam.

We went our seperate ways soon after, both trying to not get wet.

I got a bit of reading done on the way home, of Velvet Elvis. So far so sosososososo good.

But now i am off to get my lunch ready, do the dishes and clear my bed of crap so i can do some more reading....and some sleep :s

premium ziplock bags

So there. I have a job...........so why aren't i excited?? Why does it feel like the end of it all...no more freedom. Its pathetic really. Its been a weird few days really. My head is all over the place...
Yesterday at church was good....music has been really great lately, but i don't know if thats cos i have changed or if the music is much better.
Afterwards James Tim(outdoor) and myself ended up at Jess's house to watch 'Everything is illuminated.'
Wow is about all i can say...really some amazing stuff in there. I wonder what it would be like, to not know if the war was over. Someone (tim i think) said it was like we where watching art, not a film. I think that kind of sums it up...an amazing piece of art.

Late night tv can be very strange, especilly when it invloves american tv evangalists......and when the segment is called 'who contols the weather?' you really have to wonder. Apparently these earthquakes are happening, because the end is nigh. The earthquake that hit LA (not sure when..) was because La is the porn captial.....hmmmmmmm.

Today was woken up by a phone call from work, seeing if i was avalible, which i was not, after staying at jess' the night. Thats why i was suprised when they rang a little while later...to say there was a full-time possition avalible for me...so now the search is over.
Went to Knox and saw Pirates 2, which was great.....an ending I would not have ever of guessed.

Work. Its nice to know that i already know the ins and outs of the centre, the staff, kids and families. It feels like an end to my life as it is now, the startings of something new and hopfully somewhat exciting. So here goes.

Something Jess had up on her wall stood out to me......lyrics to a Tim Hughes song 'beauty of your peace'

Your voice has stilled the raging storms The wind and waves bow down before
Your still small voice brings hope to all
Who wait on You, we'll wait for You
To lead us to the place where You'll restore our souls
And all our earthly strivings come to cease

Take from our souls the strain and stress
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Your peace
The beauty of Your peace

Bright skies will soon be overhead
We'll enter in to Heaven's rest
There'll be no death, there'll be no pain
The things of old will pass away
You'll lead us to the place where You'll restore our souls
And all our earthly strivings come to cease

Take from our souls the strain and stress
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Your peace
The beauty of Your peace

This song had amazing meaning to me when i first heard it, and it still does.

A cryout to God, which has been a current occurence of mine at the moment.

And if these pictures have anything important to say to future generations, it's this: I was here. I existed. I was young, I was happy, and someone cared enough about me in this world to take my picture.

Sy Parrish : One Hour Photo

hey mr dj

so i brought the shins single from the garden state soundtack this arvo..new slang its called from memory.
Anyway...music and movies are two of my favourite things, and it got me thinking about what are some of my favourite movie soundtracks are......(yes...i know....another mindless list...but i can't think of anything serious to blog about...)


1. Amelie
Great to listen to no matter your mood. I love it over a fancy dinner, to fall asleep to..wake up too.....you get my drift?!?!?

2. Shine
Some amazing classical piano....it always sends chills up my spine. Yet another, no matter the situation listenable...........but my favourite time to listen to it is when its raining dark and cold. Brillient





3. Empire Records
Fantastic movie, fantastic soundtrack! Oh so mid-nineties....the only song missing is ac/dc.






4. Looking For Alibrandi
great aussie tunes, plus the only good U2 cover that i can listen to and love (btw its with or without you, redone by hamish somone)...add in a bit of lotel, frenzal rhomb happyland aand you have the soundtrack to my early youth



5. Donnie Darko
Haunting soundtrack...amazing sounds, plus Mad World is utterly brillient...the music lasts long after the movie has

your so tragedy

It seems that bloggers are making lists again.....so now for another. Music plays a big part in my life, and i am forever buying cds etc........

Songs on high rotation at the moment:

1. want to be bad: tegan + sara
2. Running to stand still: U2
3. misery: Gyroscope
4. feet touch the ground: Jebediah
5. steady as she goes: the saboters
6. captured: Bic runga

tegan and sara.....this song hits me everytime i listen to it, yet its so hard to describe why it does....its just one of those songs to me
U2....what cant be said about u2?? I can't have just one favourite u2 song...they all are, all for different reasons. Running to stand still...beautiful. And i'll be a mess if they sing it in November.
Gyroscope.....this song was one that I listened to at uni non-stop....described my life in relationship to where I felt i was with God
Jebediah....this song is going to be one that i will always remember the first time I heard it..a timeless song to me
The saboters....being a fan of the white stripes, it would be impossible to not cheak out the side project.....just love it
Bic Runga.......we have a tape that we got when in New Zealand a couple of years ago, with tim finn, someone else and the lovely bic runga.....this song was free from the itunes music shop...its haunting..

She says she's ashamed. And she can take me for a while. And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past. But maybe I'm not able. And I break at the bend. We're here and now, but will we ever be again. 'Cause I have found. All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade. Away again. It's too far away for me to hold It's too far away.... Guess I'll let it go

she felt a tad awkward at parties when asked about the birds nesting in her hair

Big day and i am pooped.
Bec stayed the night last night after young adults and the usual trip to the golden arches.
After getting home just after 12, i was wide awake, as was bec (?) as we watched 'Looking for allerbrandi' which finised at 2ish...too a while for us to both get to sleep. HOWEVER i was informed that i did fall asleep before her, because i snored a little....my worst dream came true. At lest I can blame this one on the parental unit, along with a broken heart.
Oh...I wooped ass on the quiz last night too :P
Woke up at who knows what unearthly hour, as the brat (read younger brother) was picking a friend up at the airport, asleep again till the parents got up for work, then brat returned with said friend. Got up for half an hour to say hi.....back to bed, where bec was still asleep.
We got up....sometime later. Checked out gush...got bec coffee and porrige, me: pizza.
Train raide are always so much better when there is someone to talk with. Plus you can avoid having people rabbit on about op shops....an older lady turned to ask the girl next to her a qustion, but the girl was ipodding (woot...new word). The woman then turned around and asked loading if anyone "didn't have a hearing phone in there ear or a pod" (hahahah...old people and technolgy) She wanted to know how often there were train to the city from blackburn station. Bec being the polite 'cow' she is, answered. A poor girl in front of us then got an earfull about the op-shop in blackburn and how the money went to MS or some charity. The girl was poliet, nodding and saying the non-commiting 'yes', 'no' and 'ah'. Got to blackburn, to which the woman got up saying she was going to the oppy, but need to get money out first, but as she could not find her wallet that morning , would need to use a check......normal trip from then on in.
Richmond station onto Bridge Rd and to many shops. Highlight was "Meet Me At Mike's" a chitch, old-school shop filled with childhood memories, books clothes and badges. Sweet as.

A highly enjoyable day, where a lot was learnt about each other (me on her anyway :) and a great way to get to know eachother that little bit better.

boy oh boy....this is long winded
"i know a farmer had a dog and bingo was his name-oh........."

i wish i could fly

sometimes i wish i was stronger
sometimes i wish i was older
sometimes i wish i was younger
sometimes i wish i was taller
sometimes i wish i was popular
sometimes i wish i was outspoken
sometimes i wish i lived somewhere else
sometimes i wish i was meek
sometimes i wish i was sad
sometimes i wish i was happy
sometimes i wish it would all go away
sometimes i wish i didn't exsist
sometimes i wish i was someone else
sometimes i wish i was me
sometimes i wish i could sing
sometimes i wish i could paint
sometimes i wish i would standup for myself
somtimes i wish i was passionate about it all
sometimes i wish i was a rock star
sometimes i wish i was thin
sometimes i wish i was a girlfriend
sometimes i wish i had ambitions
sometimes i wish i had commone-sense
sometimes i wish i was pretty
sometimes i wish i was the odd one out
sometimes i wish i had faith
sometimes i wish i was a child
sometimes i wish i was rich
sometimes i wish i was
sometimes i wish my life away

kryptonite and toys r us

Yesterday, it was organised for me and a friend to go to the movies, in gold-class to see superman.
Early morning rush, getting up at 8.25, getting picked up at 9. Showered, hair washed and dried, and dressed....all in 15/20 minutes. Gold star to me.
We were going to see another movie before hand, which ended up not happening, due to running late etc, so ended up going into the knox shoping centre.
We decided to go to the new chocolate cafe, whci was true good to be true. I got a sunday, which had a brownie at the bottom, followed by two types of ice cream, then with dark chocolate melted over the top, finished off with cream. Nether of us could finish it, and both felt a bit crook afterwards........hint: don't eat chocolate for breakfast.
We then did a bit of window shopping, and ended up at Toys 'R' Us. We looked at the freaky brats dolls, and another doll which when her hand was pushed (or something like that) would close her eyes...then open them and start talking....looked very freaky, with this little mouth moving .......
We then found the promo toys for superman....infact we found a superman barbie doll, as well as a lois lane barbie.
This friend piped up and said...."i'm not a pervert or anything........but superman looks like he's been carstraited."
Pure gold...
The movie was really good..........special effects were fantastic. Its too hard to not give the movie away.......... just go and see it.
Home again, which brought about a discussion about how movies are being made more 'old school' again, which we both agreed was a great thing.
Mind you, at the same time we were listening to the australian production version of The sound of music.....so along with me making a complete moron of myself.
ah well
at lest superman still stands for freedom and justice.....
no one would see it if he still stood for the american way

when i was young

I just read the tv guid for the week, and one of my all-time favourite movies from when i was little was on tv today, The Railway Children, although it was a new version.
I also loved:

*charlie and the chocolate factory
*the wizard of oz
*swallows and amazons
*the secret files of bazil m....i don't remember what it was called, but something like that, plus it was a great book :P
*camp nowhere

ahhhhhhhhh great memories

boggle and ulcers

Yet another busy day.
Sleeping is still all over the place, usually doing to bed wide awake, staying that way for a few hourse, or so it feels. Got up and ready for church.
Music was really good at church today, and yet again, psalms 42 hit home (see below post)

"Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying out the blues?
Fix my eyes on God -
soon I'll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He is my God."

I didn't 'hold back' as much as usual with singing today, and it was refreshing.

Rachael 'led' communion, and what she had to say was amazing. The Max Lucado quote was so refreshing to hear.
Communion today was not 'get it done as soon as possible' which is partly my falt, plus time constrictions being such a big church......it felt more real then it has for a long time.

Something realy stunned me today, and its been playing non-stop over and over again, which explains why this blog is all over the place.
At communion time, I was up the back and feeling a bit emo, when i looked up at the couches, and saw a girl who was about 9/10 years old. She was sitting next to a little boy (her brother i presume) and was wiping away her tears with her sleeve. Something made me want to go to her and see if she was ok, if she wanted anything etc. Instead I turned back around and sat down again.
What is it that hold us back from reaching out to someone, not matter how big or small the situation is. Sure, we do it to a certain extent with out friends, but i have trouble going over a certain point.
I can talk to the hairdresser, or a near stranger, yet not with those who I do trust.
I think fear, especilly fear of rejection plays a big part in it....the fear of rejection is a huge thing for me. Fear hold me back because I am scared I will look stupid to a person, ill make a fool out of myself, say something stupid (that happens anyway).....fear is a big thing.
It was fear that held me back from going up to that girl to see if she was ok........and that makes me feel even worse.

bang bang

What a blooming busy day I have had. Bed at 2.30am, up at 11ish, then into the city for the gush meetup.
Met reinhard sam and bec at lilydale station, got off at lilydale and met tony. Then caught a train into city, picking up kat and rohan on the way (well...the train picked them up)
Got to finders to find a guy with a viking hat and gush sign, and met up with quite a few more gushers.
Stupid me forgot a jumper, so got a nice one from dangerfield. Nice and blooming expensive.
We went to galactic circus to the laiser (?) game. It was a blast, and considering i have never played before, i came 9th out of 23/24 or so :P Sweet as cheesecake !!
I am too tired to continue...will do later at some stage
x x x