more then just a glorified babysitter

Ahhhhhhhhh....I worked today and had a blast.
Childcare is one of those jobs where every day is so compleatly different and you never know whats gonna happen.
Although i worked in the nursery full time last year, I know only a couple of the babies that are in there at the moment. So this ment that i was in a different room, which was great to catch up with my 3 to 5 year old friends (most of them anyway)
The 3-5 yr old room can hold up to 30 kidlets, but there where 20 today.
A great carer makes such a differents in the kids behaviour and attitude. We have a angency staff member as the room leader at the moment, and she has worked magic in that room.
It was the one room that no one wanted to be in.
The kidlets where absolutly amazing today. Bless their little cotten socks :P
When I walk into that room, they stop what they are doing and all run up and attack me with hugs and kisses, clinging to my legs till I pretty much shake them off. I love it.

We sat and watched a bit of 'Cars' but they got pretty bored with it, so I put on Peter Pan (this was during quiet time) and they were perfect...so quite NO fighting at all.

When I look at how much these kids have grown, it is amazing. Working with the babies is an amazing experience.
One girl who I looked after from before she was really crawling, has now moved up to the toddlers room. When ever she sees me, she gasps, puts her hands on her mouth and starts to jump or dance, then throws her hands open and runs to me.

To think that i can have an impact on these lives is often a frightning thought. To think that a baby will remember me, and be so excited to see me is an unexplainable thing...words do no justice.
To be like a child, to be able to trust with no judgement, run with no thought and express love with no holding back....what more could a child want in a relationship?

tick tick tick

Another list....things that tick me off:

* Buying water
it is a natural thing, water. It comes out of a tap, yet we buy it in bottles. Makes no sense to me at all. Especially when we have it at our hands all the time....we don't have to walk half a day to get a drink for crying out loud

* Drivers
People who don't indicate for the whole duration of changing into a different lane. My goodness...it drives me insane. I have no idea why, but if gets me so fired up.
The same with people who go under the speed limit. The amount of people who will drive along on 60 when the speed limit is 80....it makes me want to scratch my eyes out.

* People who thing childcare workers are glorified babysitters
I would like them to spent a day with 10 babies or 30 Kinda kids. That'll show em.

* People who cough on the bus
Sure, a normal cough is fine, but if you have broncitus...stay the hell at home. There is nothing worse the someone coughing up a lung in a public place. You can see fine bits of flem getting sprayed everwhere.

* Yappy dogs
heres an idea....staple their mouth shut

Psalm 42
A psalm of the sons of Korah

A white-tailed deer drinks from the creek;
I want to drink God,
deep draughts of God.
I'm thirsty for God-alive.
I wonder, "Will I ever make it—
arrive and drink in God's presence?"
I'm on a diet of tears—
tears for breakfast, tears for supper.
All day long
people knock at my door,
Pestering,
"Where is this God of yours?"

These are the things I go over and over,
emptying out the pockets of my life.
I was always at the head of the worshiping crowd,
right out in front,
Leading them all,
eager to arrive and worship,
Shouting praises, singing thanksgiving—
celebrating, all of us, God's feast!


Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
soon I'll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He's my God.


When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse
everything I know of you,
From Jordan depths to Hermon heights,
including Mount Mizar.
Chaos calls to chaos,
to the tune of whitewater rapids.
Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers
crash and crush me.
Then God promises to love me all day,
sing songs all through the night!
My life is God's prayer.


Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God,
"Why did you let me down?
Why am I walking around in tears,
harassed by enemies?"
They're out for the kill, these
tormentors with their obscenities,
Taunting day after day,
"Where is this God of yours?"


Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
soon I'll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He's my God.

Taken from 'The Message'

artless

list one

I like to make lists, and as the title suggests, this is a list.

* I collect pictures that inspire me. I get them everywhere...magazines, books, newspapers, net, clothing tags etc

*I am a horder. I hate to throw things away. I have a bottle from some drink that i had in 1998. On the 12th of feb to be exact. I had it after the U2 Popmart concert...it has a lemon on the front

* I have a huge pile of the sunday mags from the herald sun. I like Will anderson to much to thrwo them away.

* I write down words, things people say, and and random sentences that i like. EG my cousin was describing his band, and said "we even have a pretty girl singer"

*I like coloured glass, esp red and green glass

*I have quite a few nancy drew books from when i was younger, and am having trouble passing them on to someone else. sad but true.

*i remember the day Michael Hutchence died

Like eating glass

48 hours can hold a lot of things.
the last 48 or so hours have done a lot to me.
I have offically 'quit' uni
moved home
been told my car can get fixed
been told that my car won't be fixed

When your on such a high when you find out your car can get fixed, for no cost other then a bottle of something, it makes such a difference.....every thing can be seen clearly and the future is bright and peachey.
Thats why it cuts so bad when the car really cant get fixed, cos the door will never close properly and the windscrean will be lose and leak.

So a new car is needed....one is avalible
now money comes into play
and as the song goes....a grand don't come for free

on a brighter note, two of my magazines came out today:
the J mag & Frankie
sweet

my life in a nut shell

after telling laura to post another blog, I realised its been a while since I have. Woops. So much for a daily activity....maybe it will change when i get the net on my laptop. Who knows.

I have been busy anyway....looking for work. Yippy....must be the most entertaining thing to do of all time.
Had one interview, said she would get back to me on fri, and still hasn't. I REALLY hate that, when they say they will ring and never do. So tomorrow if she hasb't rung, I WILL ring her. well....see if i do or not.

Today is mums birthday....happy birthday.....dad and me got her a great present....she is so hard to buy for.
went to church...late, but better then never. Then went out for lunch....good old sticky date pudding hey bec!
then had ppl back home, and we watched Empire Records.......THE movie of the 90's. In my top movies to watch.
Went to the video shop and got more movies out:
*Eternal Sunshine Of Spotless Mind
*Napoleon Dynmite
Mrs Caldicot's Cabbage War
Spanglish
*In Good Company

(*) = haven't seen before

I always seem to get the same movies every time, so am trying hard to get ones i haven't seen before. Mission accomplished this time.

yes.
my life at the moment consists of job serching and dvds
woot

confidence in comfortableness

With all the changes going on at church, the young adults groups has been talking about what are some changes in direction we would like to see in the church.
One thing that has been constantly going thru my mind is that, for many people in the church, this will be a uncomfortable change.
To me, if you are comfortable in church, there is no real sense of of a challenge. We get so comfortable in our surroundings that we get lazy. There is nothing to really challenge us. We don't rely on God.
When there is a challenge, we are all of a sudden out of our 'comfort zones' and feel lost and scared. Thats when we call on God again.

more later...my heads gonna explode

there there.....and striped pj's

so it's been a weird couple of days since the accident. I had felt like crap till yesterday, and it was like I was suddenly 'over' the whole thing. I was sick of seeing 4-wheel drives when i closed my eyes :P
I drove for the first time last night to young adults. I was feeling sick to the pits of my stomach. I got in mums car and took my sweet time.

It's been slightly odd going back to vineyard, mainly the young adults group. I am one out of a few ppl there who have gone to vineyard for longer then two years (started at the end of 99).
Considering I have only been gone for a few months, and that the group that there is now didn't really exisit when I left, it feels like I have stept into a group that can be really open with each other, and honestly i feel a bit out of place. I really enjoy going, but when it gets down to the nitty gritty...I really don't know.
I guess I feel that I can't really contribute anything to the group, because it feels like I don't know as much, that I am not as 'aware' as they are with, say, biblical knowledge. Sure I have been brought up it a christian home and school, and have gone to church all my life. I just don't think have have used these opportunitys to learn.


It has been great to see all of my friends since coming back down, so it was weird to have to say goodbye to Jess today. Although we were never as close as we could have been, there are so many things that we have both experienced in life. I don't think i valued our friendship as much as I should have. I am going to miss her so much.
Jacqui Bec and me met up with Jess for lunch, which was so much fun :) I have never seen anyone eat sticky date pudding as quickly as jess and bee :)
Bec and me went shopping after lunch, firstly to churnside park, in order to get thermals for bec in her marysville adventure. However because churnside is so crap, we ended up going to Eastland. I don't remeber half the shops we went in to. Myres was fun, and we both ended up buying Pj's....both the same print but with different tops :p
Big W...i thought i was going to cry from laughing so much.
Is it ethical/moral to open a pack of long-johns to see if they are going to be too long, stuff them back in the packet, put back onto the shelf and get a new packet?? NOT to bec it isn't.

To much excitement for my heart :P
anyway..its late, I have to be at a normal hour tomorrow and I want to watch some of my new TinTin dvd tonight :P

rewind

You know how there's those moments where you wish you could go back and do things differently? Sunday night was one of those moments.
I had always hoped that I would never be in a car accident while I was driving, but I guess it worked out a little differently then I had of hoped.
Driving back to bec's house with both her and susannah in the car, following jeff and tom, we had to go around a roundabout (apparently notorious with the locals). From then on, I really don't remember much, except for slowing down, looking, looking again (no cars) starting to go, when a 4wheel drive appears.
I don't remember any noise, I don't remember the impact of the car hitting. I remember swearing, as did bec, but i have no idea what was said.
Every time I close my eyes, all i see is a 4wheel drive heading towards my door.
Every time I think about the crash, I get confused about what actually happened.
Everytime I try to think about what happened, its like I am still driving the car, but I see everything as if I was sitting above the car, or hanging above the car.

Thank goodness the injuries are fairly low-key. It sounds like bec's a bit bruised from hitting the door on impact. Susannah said she's good/ok. I smacked my head against my side window, my elbow and knee on something too. Off to the Dr's tonight (damn public holiday, otherwise I would have gone in yesterday)...my head is still sore, and mum says i am still in shock.

Like dad said 'shit happens.'

Changes

I talk to my parents last night, and told them i did'nt think i would 'survive' (for lack of a better word) the rest of the year doing the course that Im doing. I have not settled in up there, nor found a church that I feel comfortable in (the one I have been going to has all been a bit ott for my liking), which is proberly a big chunk of the problem.
We talked about what options I had, and i really feel that I am meant to be down here.
Since ccoming back down, I think God has put the idea of YITs in my heart.
The thing is how do I know that it is God???
I suppose I do, because when it was 'placed' on my heart, i felt a compleat change in me...I felt excited (and i haven't felt that excited before) and even now thinking about it all, i feel a real sense of excitement, anticipation and longing for it all.

change

since i have been home (even under the weird circumstances) i have felt a real sense of peace, mentally physically and spiritually. I feel truly happy.
I thick change can do that to a person. I have had many changes this year, all branching out by the fact that i got into uni, which led to moving out of home.
The fact is I hate my uni course with a passion, and this has changed me as a person. I honestly don't give a fig if i 'pass' or 'fail' assesments, let alone my exams.
Since coming back home, i feel more like me. And i don't think i have felt like me for a while.

running to stand still

And so she woke up
Woke up from where she was Lying still
Said I gotta do something
About where we're going
Step on a steam train
Step out of the driving rain, maybe
Run from the darkness in the night
Singing Ha, Ah La La La De Day
Ah La La La De Day
Ah La La De Day
Sweet the sin
Bitter taste in my mouth
I see seven towers
But I only see one way out
You got to cry without weeping
Talk without speaking
Scream without raising your voice
You know I took the poison
From the poison stream
Then I floated out of here
Singing...Ha La La La De Day
Ha La La La De Day
Ha La La De Day
She runs through the streets
With her eyes painted red
Under black belly of cloud in the rain
In through a doorway she brings me
White gold and pearls stolen from the sea
She is raging
She is raging
And the storm blows up in her eyes
She will... Suffer the needle chill
She is running to stand

Still.

U2

Fall

Fall into you, is all I seem to do..
When i hit the bottle, coz I'm afraid to be alone.
Tear us in two, is all it seems to do..
As the anger fades, this house is no longer a home,
Don't give up on the dream, don't give up on the wanting, and everything that's true.
Don't give up on the dream, don't give up on the wanting..
Because I want you too,because I want you too,because I want you too,because I want you,because I want you.
Stumble into you, is all i ever do..
My memory's hazy..and I'm afraid to be alone.
Tear us in two, is all it's gonna do..
As the headache fades, this house is no longer a home,
don't give up on the dream, don't give up, on the wanting,and everything that's true.
don't give up on the dream, don't give up on the wanting..
Because I want you too,because I want you too,because I want you too,because I want you,because I want you.
Fall in to you, is all i ever do!
When i hit the bottle, coz I'm afraid to be alone..
tear us in two, tear us in two, tear us in two..
Because I want you too,because I want you too,because I want you,because I want you.Because I want you too,because I want you too,because I want you,because I want you.

placebo : because i want you : Meds

simple

I love the bit when Christ asked for his greatest hits and he says, 'OK, love God, and love your neighbours as yourself.' Christianity is not complicated, that's what it is. Bono

I heard someone say they other day, that when reading the bible, it is not the confusing stuff that we struggle to live out, it is the things we actually do understand that makes it hard to do.
We had just read Matthew 5 v 38-48, the 'love your enemy' part.I realised that even thought this is so easy to understand, it is really a hard thing to actually live out.
We live in a society where it is ok to hit back at and bring down those who we see as being the enemy; enemies bring out the worst in people.

'Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God created selves'

I get frustrated by people all the time, and most of the time, over somethings that are really stupid. I really struggle with it.

'live generously and graciously towards others, the way God lives towards you.'

When i read that, i realised that i do things that upset God, but you dont hear him bitching about it.It is such a simple thing to live out, yet something i think most of us would struggle with.

thinkspeak

I woke up this morning thinking about how people say 'think before you speak.'
I kept thinking it over and over again, and then wondered how many people don't speak because they are so busy thinking.
I think thats what I do often. Esp if I am in a large group setting, I will not often speak my mind, but will sit there thinking about what I would say..I will edit it while sitting there.

So it got me thinking....why do i do that? I think a lot of it has to do with thinking that other people will reject my idea of thinking, not understand what i am saying, think that it is plain stupid etc.....

It always feels like I get an idea of what to say, but by then its too late, the subject has changed or I have left already.

So this is something i think i need to work on.

so

at the moment i am feeling so-so about...everything i guess
i am sitting here feeling sorry for my self, while wearing a heart monitor for the next 24 hours.
and although i joke about the whole ordeal, i am also scared shitless about what this all could mean. Therefore, instead of bawling my eyes out, which is what i really feel like doing, i joke about the whole fricking thing.
i am so scared that this will have an impact on if i have kids or not.
even that in itself sounds pathetic, but it is a huge 'dream' of mine to have kids, and to be told that having the heart that i do, could cause problems for myself(and kid) if i do ever have them.

i am just misrible.
there are worst things going on in the world, and all i can think about is if i could have kids and have no problems with the heart during the whole bloody process.

why

I had trouble sleeping last night, and ended up writing this at about 3 in the morning. I felt so heavy and pathetic and needed to get it out of my system.


why is it me
why do i want the pity
the world to revolve around me
why don't i feel
why don't i believe the singer of the song
that reads loud and clear
dull and dead
why don't i feel
the beat of the world
who are all for one
why do i drag behind
i drag behind
in the rack and ruin
it spliters me in two
why do i know
yet it means nothing
the paper bag forgotten in yesterday
sitting at the bottom
why do the tears fall
and when it rains it pours
no fire
no flame
the burnt out end of a stick
my soul can't breath
without pain
a second will occur
but will pass just as quickly

And i wake up again
to silence